God and Voice Mail
Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as
a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what
it would be like if God had decided to install voice mail?
Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling Heaven.
For English, press 1
For Spanish, press 2
All other languages, press 3
Please select one of the following options:
For Request, press 1
For Thanksgiving, press 2
For Complaints,  press 3
For all others, press 4
I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy
helping other sinners right now. However, your
prayer is important to us and it will be answered
in the order it was received.  Please stay on the
line and someone will be with you shortly.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy Spirit, press 3
To find a loved one that has been assigned to
heaven, press 5. Then enter his or her social security
number followed by the pound sign. If you receive a
negative response, please hang up and dial 666.
For reservations to heaven, please enter
"JOHN" followed by the numbers, 3:16.
For answers to nagging questions about
dinosaurs, life and other planets - please wait
until you arrive in heaven for specifics.
I'm sorry, our computers show that you have
already been prayed for today. Please hang
up and try your call again tomorrow. This
office is temporarily closed at this time
to observe a religious holiday.
If you are calling after hours
and need emergency assistance,
please contact your local Pastor.
Thank you and have a heavenly day!
And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call
on the name of the Lord shall be saved.  
Acts 2:21
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