A Conversation with God

"Our Father who art in Heaven..."

(God):  Yes?

Don't interrupt me.  I'm praying.

(God):  But - you called Me.

Called You?  No, I didn't call anyone.  I'm reciting a prayer.
Excuse me ... And thanks a lot.  Now I have to start over:
(ahem) ...  "Our Father who art in Heaven..."

(God):  There - you did it again.

Did what?

(God):  You called Me.  You said, "Our Father who art in Heaven.
" Well, here I am.  What's on your mind?

Oh!  It's YOU!
Yeah, but ... I didn't mean anything by it.  I was ... you know,
just saying my prayers for the day.  I always recite the Lord's
Prayer.  It makes me feel good ... kind of like fulfilling a duty.

(God):  Well, all right.  Go on.

"Hallowed be Thy Name ..."

(God):  Hold it right there.  What do you mean by that?

By what?

(God):  Hallowed.

It means, ummmm ... it means ... good grief, I don't know what
it means.  How in the world should I know?  It's just a part
of the prayer.  By the way, what does hallowed mean?

(God):  It means honored, holy, and wonderful.

Hey, that makes sense.  I never thought about what "hallowed"
meant before.  Thanks... "Thy kingdom come, Thy Will
be done, on earth as it is in Heaven."

(God):  Do you really mean that?

Sure, why not?

(God):  What are you doing about it?

Doing?  Why, nothing, I guess.  I just think it would be kind
of neat if You got control of everything down here like You
have up there.  We're kind-of in a mess down here, you know.

(God):  Yes, I know, but, have I got control of YOU?

Well, I go to church.

(God):  That isn't what I asked.  What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know.  And then there's
the way you spend your money - all on yourself.  And what
about the kind of TV programs and movies you watch?

Now hold on just a minute... stop picking on me -
I'm just as good as some of those other people at church!

(God):  Excuse me, I thought you were praying for MY Will
to be done.  If that is to happen, it will have to start with the
ones who are praying for it.  Like YOU, for example.

Oh ... all right.  I guess I do have a bad temper and I could be
a better steward with my money and time.  Those are some
of my hang-ups, I guess.  Now that you mention it,
I could probably name some others.

(God):  So could I.

Oh ... yeah ... well, I haven't thought about it very much  
until now; but I really would like to cut out those things
from my life.  I would like to ... you know, really be free.

(God):  Good.  Now we're getting somewhere.
We'll work together - you and I.  I'm pleased!

Look Lord, if you don't mind, I really need to finish up here.
This prayer is taking a lot longer than it usually does.

(God):  Well then, by all means, continue.

"Give us this day, our daily bread."

(God):  You need to cut out some of that
bread, you know, you're overweight as it is.

Hey, wait a minute, what is this?  Here I am doing my
religious duty, and all of a sudden You break in and
remind me of all my faults and bad habits.

(God):  Praying can be a dangerous thing, you know.
It can change your life - you just might get what
you asked for.  Remember, YOU called Me, and here
I am... it's too late to stop now, so keep praying,


(God):  Well, go on.

Ummmm ... I'm scared to.

(God):  Scared?  Of what?

I know what You'll say next.

(God):  Try Me.

"Forgive us our sins, as we forgive
those who sin against us."

(God):  Okay, what about Donald?

See? I knew it.
I knew You would bring him up.
Why should I forgive him, Lord?
He's broken our marriage vows, and
I would love to get even with him!

(God):  But your prayer?  What about
your prayer and forgiveness?

I guess I didn't ... um ... really mean it.

(God):  Well, at least you're honest.  But it's quite a load
carrying around all that bitterness and resentment, isn't it?

Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even
with him.  Boy, have I got some plans for
him... he'll wish he had never been born!

(God):  No, you won't feel any better.  In fact, you'll feel worse.
You know how unhappy you've been?  Well, I can change that.

You can? ... How?

(God):  Forgive Donald.  Then I'll forgive you - and then
the hate and sin will be his problem - not yours.  You will
have settled the problem as far as you are concerned.

You know, You're right!  You always are
and I want to be right with You.  <sigh>
Oh okay ... all right ... I forgive him.

(God):  There now!  Wonderful!  How do you feel?

Hmmm ...  Well, not bad.  Not bad at all!  I feel pretty good!
In fact, I don't think I'll be all up-tight tonight when I
go to bed.  I haven't been getting much rest, you know.

(God):  Yes, I know.  But you're not through
with your prayer yet, are you?  Go on.

Oh ... all right.  "And lead us not into
temptation, but deliver us from evil."

(God):  Good!  Good!  I'll do that.  Just don't put
yourself in a situation where you can be easily tempted.

What do you mean by that?

(God):  You KNOW what I mean.

Oh!  Yeah  <gulp>  I know.

(God):  Okay.  Go ahead.  Finish your prayer.

"For Thine is the kingdom, and the
power, and the glory forever."  Amen.

(God):  Do you know what would bring me
glory ... what would really make me happy?  

No, Lord, but I'd like to know.  I really do want to please You.
I've made a mess of things and I need Your help.  I want
to truly trust and follow You.  I understand how great that
would be.  So, tell me Lord ...  how can I make You happy?

(God):  You just did.
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